Ive been trying to put my fingers to why I’m feeling that iota of sadness in me still even though nothing disastrous has happened.
I realized why today.
My passion for him has died. The desire to want to to start a family with him , to have a kid with him has been made so elusive and not promising by him, that it killed me along with them. His fears of making any commitments to me has killed a lot of my self worthiness, not to mention how this relationship has started.
and I realize that if I don’t have these wants anymore. I don’t really need anything anymore from him. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him still but my expectations of him are so low now that the relationship has lost quite a lot of worth.
I don’t need my ex husband. I don’t need my boyfriend. All I need is for me to be happy, healthy, strong to be there for someone whom I had brought to this world, and that is Dylan.
Ive always wondered why some women don’t remarry after getting divorces, maybe that’s why. They can’t find the right men. or actually do they need to?
I told D this morning, every morning, i look forward to sit down at the table to teach him. Seeing him learn makes me happy. and does anything come this close to this happiness?
I don’t think so.
A man who loves me truly can give me this happiness,that feeling of security, that feeling of warmth and family that I never had, but I’m tired of asking him. If I feel that Im not able to give anything to him, or if there is not future present, my love will eventually die. In my head, the thoughts of him not needing me reign. I love you honey helps the superficial wounds, but only until he opens up fully and wants to commit, this will slowly kill my love